


Pusillanimity

by Have



Series: Slice of Life [4]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Gen, No defined gender or sexual identity., Not a Swap-verse this time., One or the other..., Panic Attacks, Reader has low DT levels., Reader is River Person, Reader is not a Determined person., Tra la la. You are the riverman. Or are you the riverwoman...? It doesn't really matter., You spend a lot of time on a boat.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 20:02:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18185102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Have/pseuds/Have
Summary: You were a terrible friend.





	Pusillanimity

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Dust to Dust and Crimson Snow](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8800564) by [Optima_chama](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Optima_chama/pseuds/Optima_chama). 



> Since Reader is actually in the role of River Person this time, I went ahead and marked this fic as inspired by "Dust to Dust and Crimson Snow", which actually was the fic that solidified my tentative headcanon of River Person being a human by reminding me that Sans probably doesn't use the boat if he can "shortcut" anywhere he wants to go and basically inspired this entire series, as well as anything else tagged as "Reader is River Person" on my profile.
> 
>  
> 
> Many thanks to my editor, Lady_Arkytior_of_Dunans, who is a fantastic author and a master at comprehensive world-building in fics.
> 
> (Her AO3 is here: archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Arkytior_of_Dunans/pseuds/Lady_Arkytior_of_Dunans  
> and her tumblr here: ladyarkytiorofdunans.tumblr.com/)

"*She's just...she's so...NGAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" The screaming fish-woman whipped her head towards you with a manic grin and flustered blush. "*SHE'S SO AMAZING AND AWESOME AND WHAT DO I DO?!"

 

Volume aside, this was probably a first. You're not sure how it actually happened, but you were apparently somewhere on Undyne's list of "people to ask romantic advice from". Not first on the list, granted, since this conversation was apparently only happening because another friend's pep-talk had left her with some...questions.

 

Questions like "*What kind of advice is 'just talk to her', anyway?! What am I even supposed to say? When should I say it? What's the 'right time'? WHAT IF THERE'S NEVER A 'RIGHT TIME'?!" and so on and so forth.

 

 

It probably didn't help any that the "her" in question was a particularly nervous lizard monster who you suspected might break down if confronted with a situation that demanded an immediate response.  
Undyne wasn't exactly known for being a calming presence...

 

Speaking of which, Undyne's face had only grown more and more discolored as her one-eyed gaze bored into the shadows (thankfully) obscuring your face. She was silent. But that didn't make the situation any less unsettling.

 

You had no clue what to tell her. What the hell kind of advice did she think she was going to get from a recluse. On a boat. Whose face she'd never seen. Why were you on the list, again?

 

Thankfully, you had developed a defense mechanism over the years of hiding yourself amongst your would-be executioners. It's called "humming". Great stuff. Stalls for time and makes you look vague and ditzy enough that no one ever suspects you of anything. Brilliant!

 

"*Tra la la. Tri li li. Tre le le..."  
As the Waterfall dock came into view, so did a familiar shade of yellow. You could feel your stomach twisting and blood rushing through your veins as you turned your head just in time to catch the flash of yellow vanish into the ground.

 

Flowey.

 

Why was he here? What did he want? Was he going to try something? Right in front of Undyne? Was...was he going to tell her? Would she believe him? Would she want proof? Would he pull out your SOUL again? Why does your chest feel tight? Did he—

 

A hand painfully slapped across your shoulder blade, reminding you to breathe. By the time your head stopped spinning and your ears stopped ringing, Undyne was already stepping off the boat with a joyful cackle.

 

"*THAT'S IT! I'll write her a letter! I knew you'd know what to do!"

 

...Wait, what?

 

"*You know, dweeb, you should get off this boat sometime. Yeah! YOU COULD MAKE A TRIP TO SEE ASGORE! He's gonna be walking through the underground to meet with people and junk. You should go see him! Hey! You know he's still super hung up on his ex? Maybe you could give him some advice too!"

 

Oh, crap. Don't puke in front of Undyne. Don't puke in front of Undyne! DON'T PUKE IN FRONT OF UNDYNE!

 

"*Don't worry! I'll be sure to talk to Asgore just as soon as I'm done filing my report! NGAAAH! You're gonna use your awesome romantic expertise to help out EVERYONE!"

 

Oh no. Oh no no no nono. No, Undyne, please don't do that!

 

As Undyne marched away, loudly lauding the brilliance of your advice and how it will just magically fix everything (YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER GIVING ADVICE? HOW DOES ANYONE INTERPRET INANE HUMMING AS ADVICE?!) your body seemed to reject your brain's insistence to not puke.

Or it tried to.

Over a decade of monster food vanishing into pure energy and leaving nothing behind kind of meant there was nothing to actually vomit up so you just dry-heaved as you processed the absolute catastrophe now looming above your head.

 

There was no way that Undyne wasn't going to mention you to the king, now. Those two were so close. And you were so well-known, now. It was only a matter of time before he decided to meet the "River Person" that had been making rounds from one end of the Underground to the other and helping various monsters avoid regions they found uncomfortable or even dangerous to them.

 

But why did that time have to be now?!

 

You're pretty sure having friends shouldn't be this stressful.

 

...Undyne's a friend, right? Well...she seemed to think of you as one, anyway. You couldn't think of any other reason why the fish monster spent several years telling you about her concern for lonely neighbors, cooking lessons with what sounded like a very hyperactive skeleton, and anime nights with a certain scaly scientist that was soon to receive a love letter.  
Did you really have any friends?

 

You abandoned the only person down here who knew what you were. Well...the only person who knew and didn't try to kill you, at least.

 

You didn't mean to at the time...well, no, you meant to leave. But you didn't mean for it to end up like this.

 

You meant for everyone to be free. Maybe yourself included. You weren't sure, anymore.

 

One thing you were sure of was that you were not as brave as you thought you might be.

 

You weren't brave when you saw an actual Royal Guard for the first time.

 

You weren't brave when his axe ripped through your SOUL (culmination of your very being, huh? Such a useless, defenseless thing...).

 

And you certainly weren't brave when that flower—that sadistic flower that you were somehow stupid enough to trust!—brought you back, realized that you could remember everything, and continued to play with your fate again and again and again.  
It took longer than you were proud to admit to realize that he had no intentions of actually helping you with your plan to reach the king as peacefully as possible.

 

It was such a pointless plan, anyways. What were you going to do, beg the king to spare the mortal enemies of his people after spending countless years imprisoned and forgotten by them? Tell him how their weapons have improved and they're still scared and angry? They'll always be scared and angry...

 

It wouldn't help. Being on this boat, ferrying monsters this way and that way, you've heard them talk so cheerfully about the surface. Telling stories they'd heard from so long ago. Dreaming about what they will do when they reach it (because of course, they will reach it, the king promised!)...

 

You've also heard about what happens to the monsters that stop dreaming.  
Stop hoping.

 

They didn't talk so much about that, actually. Only bits and pieces.

 

But you've brought enough silent, still and flaking monsters alongside their desperately cheerful relatives to Hotland to fill in the gaps.

 

Whatever his reasoning was when first declaring war on a species that had won so completely against monsterkind in the past, the king is painted into a corner, now.

 

Would it even be helpful—let alone merciful—to come forward? If you were brave enough (you weren't), if you were determined enough (you never were), would it lead to anything but history repeating itself?

 

Or maybe, this time, no monsters would survive at all.

 

Maybe they wouldn't even survive long enough for another human to fall and find out.

 

But what if another human did fall? Would you try to help them? Try to hide them? Tell them what you know? Let them figure it out for themselves?  
Let them die in your place?

 

You didn't want to die.

 

It's strange, how you didn't even think of that when you left the Ruins.

 

It's not like Toriel hadn't mentioned how deadly the king's reign was to any humans who went past that door.

 

So many shoes.

 

So many children.

 

You supposed that was one mercy. You'd only stayed with Toriel for less than a week before leaving.  
Maybe leaving so soon kept her from grieving as strongly as she did for the others...

 

Did Toriel miss you? Did she think you were dead? Would she hate you if you went back?  
For leaving her alone with her memories and regrets...

 

And what about Undyne? Would she miss you if you left?  
What if Undyne found out you were human? Would she take you to Asgore? Would she try to hide you? Would she be mad at you for keeping them from freedom? Would she be sad you didn't confide in her even...even when she's been telling you everything about her life...her feelings...her friends...

 

She even went to you for advice.

 

You were a terrible friend.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a tumblr for fandom theories and ideas: noplotnostory.tumblr.com
> 
> I also have a pillowfort, now: pillowfort.io/noplotnostory


End file.
